Helping a friend...

[DirtyHarry68]

Well, no posts in this area for a while, so wonder if I’ll get a response.

My friend has serious drug & alcohol problems, no-one else is helping or has much time for him so I want to try.

Lots of people have said it’s not my problem, let him get on with it or hit rock bottom so he gets taken into care etc., but I fear he might die first.

I just want to help get him on the right path without getting dragged into being held responsible for his actions or being his full time minder, as I have little time as it is.

He won’t go to AA due to the religious aspect.

Any other ideas? UK here so needs to be either international or online.

At the moment I’m trying to get him to give me details of all the rehab programmes he’s been on which have failed to help, hoping I can put together a history on paper to show to the docs and maybe get him taken into temporary care.

[sportsterpaul]

Kudos to you for stepping up, and understand not wanting to carry a significant load that isn’t yours. Can’t speak to your situation from this other side of the pond but sometimes being aware that another is lending a helping hand can be a positive motivation. If “religious “ is a turn off then try focusing on lifestyle changes.

[Toejam503]

The only real way you can help anyone is if they really WANT to get sober. Get him to convince you he wants that and that's the start. Sharing personal experiences gives him the best examples on how to get and stay sober. Sometimes you need a lot of different people to talk to him about it. You know, 12 stepping.

[Hippysmack]

Lifestyle change is a must for a drug related issue.
Cutting ties with old habits and 'friends' is a good step.
It's a tough road especially with an unwilling mind.

He's got to want to change no matter how much you want him to or it won't work.
I've got a cousin in the same situation. Been that way most of his life.
In and out of city, county and state pens.
Off and on again moods and he damn near killed me before I cut ties with him.

I have a little experience here.
Ex metal drummer.

All 'friends' for me just kept trying to give me more drugs.
I didn't know any other life.

It took a female to change things for me. And I did want the change.
(uptight goody two shoes high maintenance bitch)... but I owe her credit for helping me through things.
Don't miss her a bit. But, I have a much better life now.

edit:
It's really no joke and all the clichés are true.
My base player killed his fiancé while driving on crack.
'Jaws of life' got him out of the car but she was DOA.
... didn't stop him.

I feel for you and I hope for the best for you and your friend.
AA is one of the best places to get better drugs from the members there.
So is prison.
Choices for him are great depending on what he wants to do.

I know this is not very positive and probably not much help.
I think you probably already know these things anyway.

Prayers to both of you.

[Glamazon]

I feel for you, my sister & myself tried to get Dad to quit drinking but he wouldn't and it killed him bringing on a massive stroke.

[jharback]

Good luck but, unless he is ready, you are wasting your time.

[Sportycus]

Good luck DirtyHarry68. Addiction is a devil of a mental illness, and there are only a few things I can suggest:

1. Talk to him if it is safe to do so and ask him how it started, etc, and see what he does. Find out as much as you can, such as where he gets his money to fuel his drug/alcohol habit, etc.
2. Lodge a "concern for welfare" with a hotline or something who may be able to help. There are voluntary rehab centres, but I'm not sure you can check someone into rehab on their behalf.
3. If he has hurt anyone or if you believe he will hurt anyone, call the police. There are some things just not worth dealing with on a "friendly" level.

If all fails, and he is not going to help himself, just let him go and dissociate yourself from him.

[Toejam503]

DirtyHarry68, all you really can do is be his friend. Most of his so-called friends will bail on him eventually. There is AA online world wide, all you need to do is search. Some of my friends here have done AA on line for 15 years now. As far as the God thing goes, it just sounds like an excuse to me. I've known a few atheists who attend AA on a regular basis and they learn to ignore the God part of AA just as us "believers" have learned to live with them. One day at a time, my friend.

[Sprtstr1200s]

The sad fact is; there is no help! Remove the safety net and let him fall. Drunks are the worst, they can live a long life causing problems and even if they stop drinking they are still miserable bastards! It's in their genes. Sorry!

[Toejam503]

Originally Posted by Sprtstr1200s

The sad fact is; there is no help! Remove the safety net and let him fall. Drunks are the worst, they can live a long life causing problems and even if they stop drinking they are still miserable bastards! It's in their genes. Sorry!

Is this voice of experience or from the sidelines? I wanted to get sober when I sobered up 30+ years ago. It was a long hard road at first but I wasn't miserable, impatient sometimes but any problems after that I had, I learned to deal with them head-on.. to the best of my ability. No more hiding from them or drinking them away.
DirtyHarry, if this man is your friend all you can do is help to the best of your abilities and be there when he falls. You have to realize he is going to have to do all the work, and do it for himself, not you or anyone else. Have faith in him.