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Moved On
22nd March 2006, 19:23
Back from the archives of the mindray sattellite...

Train Tracks

I would like to share an unbelievable experience I had last Saturday afternoon with all of you XLFORUM members. It happened while I was riding my bike. I can hardly believe it myself. I’m feeling all right now, but things could have really gotten out of hand.

I was riding some country roads about 20 miles from home. I’m just a riding around the curves and up and down some hills minding my own business---------------------------------------like I always do. As I approached a railroad crossing outside an old abandon farm town I began to slow down as the signal flashed and the crossing arm was coming down. I could have made it across the tracks, but I believe the law is written for good reason and we should all respect and obey it. However, reflecting back on this incident, I admit to having second thoughts about that. I could see this was a very long train, so I turned the engine off, lowered the jiffy stand and remained sitting on my bike. Suddenly, two other bikers rolled up on each side of me. Their sudden appearance startled me, at first, as I didn’t even hear their engines over the racket of the train’s engine and air horns. These guys were big, and I mean BIG. I nodded and as I glanced behind me three more bikers closed in. I have to admit, I really felt intimidated. I could sense these guys were not affiliated with any HOG organization. I even thought to myself that they would probably flunk Hells Angels 101. They were as tough and rag tag as you could ever imagine. They all appeared greasy with frazzled beards, long unkempt hair and no helmets. Their bikes looked to be 1970’s backyard chopped, dirty with very little chrome. I recall one of the bikes headlights looked as if it was held on with bailing wire and no headlights or front fenders on the others.

I smiled and nodded at the other guys but it was not reciprocal. I continued to look ahead as the train cars rolled by. Suddenly I received a push on the shoulder by the guy to my right. It wasn’t a hard push but it was inappropriate. I look at him and nodded again exclaiming, “Howdy, how you guys doing”? The guy replied, ”We is doing just fine, Helmet Head”! I was taken back by his reply but just smiled and nodded again. After a few more very uncomfortable seconds, the guy on the left pushed me a little harder and exclaimed, “Why you got that helmet on, twinky boy”? I knew this was not a good situation and could only reply that I just thought it was safer to wear my helmet. They all started honking their horns and laughing. I glanced at the long endless line of train cars yet to clear the crossing and felt completely trapped. I then exclaimed, “Come on guys, I’m just riding around, minding my on business-------------------like I always do!” There was momentary silence. “What’s that piece a S#$% your riding?” one of the guys in back yells out, as he kept flopping his front wheel against the side of my back wheel. I know I sounded a little meek when I responded that it was a 2004 Harley Davidson Sportster Custom 1200cc. All I could hear was the roaring laughter HarHarHarHarHeeHeeHee, Hardy HarHarHooHoo! It went on and on! One guy screams out, “Man, you got yourself a girly bike!” Their laughing reached a fevered pitch. I became really scared, at this point, but for some reason I just yelled out, “ Oh yeah, well Evil and Robbie Kneivel rode a Sportster and it was only 1000cc’s. Immediately, the two guys on either side of me roared even louder. I also informed them all that, “Evil and Robbie also wore their helmets”. At this point, the bikers were completely out of control and lost in their laughter, to the extent that they had to lay their bikes down while they rolled on the ground, holding their stomachs and almost choking. I was feeling absolutely helpless while still sitting on my bike in the midst of these lunatic bikers.

At this point, the train seemed to have no end and as the laughter increased, a surprising anger was building up inside of me. These guys loved the power and authority they were feeling at my expense. I stepped off my bike and as I glanced at the two bikes on the ground, I noticed they were right wheel drive. It just came out, “Hey, those bikes are right wheel drive, so they are Sportsters, too!” Suddenly, total silence and the biker’s faces were again instantly mean and angry. “What did you say, you little helmet twink”. I replied, that they were making fun of my bike but informed them that they were riding Sportster’s, too. The two guys got up off the ground and the other three got off their bikes and started walking to my rear. The one with a spocket chain, wrapped around his waist for a belt, screamed “These are Harley Choppers, man, they ain’t no G@# D@#$ F@#$%^& Spoooortsteeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssss”! I said, “Okay, Okay, guys, I don’t want any trouble!” By now, I’m surrounded and a guy in back of me screams, “How’s your little twinky helmet on your little twinky head gonna help your little twinky ass from getting a ass kickin, man”? “This here is gonna be your burial ground”!

I don’t know why, but I reached up and unsnapped my helmet and threw it on the ground and I screamed, “You filthy Sonsabitches! You want a piece a me! Huh! Well do ya punks! Well, come on, lets go cause it’s Go Time”!

I don’t remember much after that, except that there were lots of fists flying and big knives swishing past my eyes. I do remember ducking and bobbing, bobbing and ducking and ducking and weaving and bobbing and ducking and weaving. It seemed like the fight lasted a lifetime but as I try to recollect, it was more like five minutes. Finally, there came an end and I was completely out of breath, I looked around me. I felt the hot sun heating the sweat pouring down my face. I finally grabbed a huge satisfying breath. It was deathly quiet except for the faint clickity clacking of the distant train. I listened to my labored breathing and could still see a glimpse of the red caboose as it disappeared into the fresh spring landscape miles away. I felt so alone, standing there in the quiet countryside, five huge burley bikers spread eagle around me. I remember stumbling to my bike. My bike was the only bike still standing. I picked up my helmet and wipe the blood away from a couple of cuts over my eyes. I didn’t want to get blood on my new Harley helmet. I kicked a leg over my bike and as I made sure it was in neutral, I noticed some scuffing on my new Harley boots. It was disappointing, but the least of my concerns. I looked again as the bodies of the enormous bikers began to stir as if coming into a new life.

You XLFORUM guys might not understand this, but I actually couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. Do you understand what I’m saying here? Why couldn’t these bad bikers have just been nice? I mean, why couldn’t they just have acknowledged my friendly Howdy Doo and replied with a simple hello, but nooooooooooooooooo, they had to be bad asses. Why do people have to act so tough, all the time? Why, oh why? Dr. Phil probably knows, but I don’t! All I know is that sometimes a guy has to do what he has to do. In this case, I had to protect himself. As I placed the key into the ignition, a couple of the biggest bikers started screaming, “Please don’t hit no mo man! Don’t hit me no mo!

It was a pitiful and sad scene, I must say, as the bikers started getting up off the ground. I watched as they kept spitting out dirt and wiping the blood and sweat from their faces. I dropped her in gear and started riding off slowly. I rember just shaking my head and thinking to myself, that I hope some lessons had been learned here today.

Billy

Gazza

raysheen
22nd March 2006, 19:28
classic...love that post...I remember the night he posted it!!! :)

tcspannerwrench
22nd March 2006, 19:32
OMG how did i miss that

that post should be the last and final post of the girls bike thread !

xl1200r
22nd March 2006, 19:37
I remember that too...hard to tell if it was real or fake...

Gone
22nd March 2006, 19:46
I agree with TC. that is a perfect end to that dead horse.

That billy sounds like a bad ass. don't mess with him on the other side of the tracks.

Thanks Gary for the post.

Takingabreak
22nd March 2006, 19:48
I remember that too...hard to tell if it was real or fake...

I know what you mean, but heck i don't want to be the one to ask.:roflblack

Sportster Girl
22nd March 2006, 19:48
LOVE readin' the adventures of BillyBadAssBikerDude !!!:clap

XLFREAK
22nd March 2006, 19:56
Where and how is the Great Collinsb?

GSB_77_XL
22nd March 2006, 20:33
makes ya wonder huh? good story though.

bplinson
22nd March 2006, 20:41
The best part about the story was that so many people actually believed Billy was serious and were mad....I mean he wasn't really serious....was he?

Where is he now? No one really knows. Some people even think that he may be a myth or a legend like Johnny Appleseed or Paul Bunyan or HowdyDoody.

Every once in a while he pops up.

Randum77
22nd March 2006, 20:44
damn, that is interesting. I like it, whether fiction or not.

H@mbone!
22nd March 2006, 20:52
Good story, thanks for reposting it. I enjoyed it.

Mr Jimi
22nd March 2006, 20:57
Billy is a legend in my world, The Mods that were on that night remember what I said!!
Billy RULES!!
We are with ya Billy
your peanut gallery buddy
Jim:tour

Moved On
22nd March 2006, 22:37
I have a copy of Billy's Harley Song #2 hanging on the wall in my office too, bacause I like to sing it a lot...
I'm just not sure what the tune is (much to the dismay of my office mates) so I try to hit as many notes as I can ;)


Harley Song #2

OH, I BUILT MYSELF A HARLEY --- I BUILT MYSELF A HARLEY, A BIG OLE MIGHTY HARLEY AND I PAINTED IT A NICE BRIGHT RED --- OH GEEWHIZ GOSHDARN, I LOVE TO RIDE MY HARLEY --- I RIDE MY HARLEY ALL DAY LONG, ALL DAY LONG --- AND THATS WHY I SING THIS HAPPY HAPPY SONG --- BECAUSE I RIDE MY HARLEY ALL DAY LONG --- (chorus comes in) HE RIDES HIS HARLEY ALL DAY LONG --- HE LIKES TO MAKE A LOT OF NOISE---BE SEEN BY LOTS OF GIRLS AND BOYS --- IT'S ONE OF HIS FAVORITE TOYS --- HAHAHA --- HAHAHA!

Billy

Gazza

RedRider
22nd March 2006, 23:21
I miss seeing Billy around here and reading his hilarious posts... :(

I'm still hoping he'll make a comeback tour... :)

FSZEKE302
23rd March 2006, 00:04
I'm sure Billy is out there, watching over us. Always vigilant and ready to come to our assistance in times of need.:shhhh

Moved On
23rd March 2006, 00:11
I'm sure Billy is out there, watching over us. Always vigilant and ready to come to our assistance in times of need.:shhhhAbsolutely he's out there riding keeping the roads safe for all of us, his little biker buddies :clap

Gazza

cantolina
23rd March 2006, 00:33
I NEVER get tired of reading that story...

One of my all-time favorites....

gronk62
23rd March 2006, 08:45
Classic Billy!! :D

SportsterBart
6th April 2006, 04:05
That was quite possibly the very first thing I read upon joining this forum.

Too dang funny!!! :laugh

Billy you crack me up :D


Bart

Moved On
12th July 2006, 03:25
bump

Gazza

chrishajer
12th July 2006, 03:26
That's some good stuff right there :)

--Chris

Mr Jimi
12th July 2006, 03:28
Gary, being old has some advantages,
Lots of real good memories.
Nice find
:tour

SportsterBart
20th August 2006, 04:16
Definitely deserves a :bump


Bart

SportsterBart
24th October 2006, 08:43
Another :bump for all the new members


Bart

sportymark
24th October 2006, 08:50
Forgot all about that one!

Clarinetcat
24th October 2006, 11:11
Another :bump for all the new members


I guess I'm still new, because I had never seen that... nice read!
(It went well with my morning coffee)

Thanks Bart, for the middle-of-the-night bump. :D

cantolina
24th October 2006, 13:59
That one's a gem...one of my favorites...

Thanx Gary...

Now to dredge up Will and Dar's stories.... :)

SportsterBart
29th January 2007, 18:42
:bump Bumped again. Funny stuff from the early days here. Should be required reading :laugh

mark883
29th January 2007, 19:20
A classic- we need more Billy Biker. He's been a bit of a stranger lately.

celtic
29th January 2007, 19:26
ha!

first time i've seen it.

collinsb
29th January 2007, 19:41
Thank You Gary,
for ressurrecting that ahhhh true, ahemmmmm story! I'm sure you are thinking that it could possibly help some of our fraidy cat biker buddies on the XLforum, who might get caught in a similar situation with some low down, dirty, stinkin, sweaty, mean and vicious 1 percenter, sons a butches, bikers. Our little biker buddies need to not be scared of these individuals. They must stand up to these types.
They are not nice people! They are bad, bad people. Bad! As you can see, those guys don't scare me! The more that come at me at one time, the more I like it! Our biker buddies must learn my techniques to duck and bob and weave and bob and weave and duck and bob and well, you get the idea. It's all in the ducking, bobbing and weaving that throws em off.

I can't believe you liked my song so well that you have it posted on your wall. It almost makes me want to cry, no no no, I mean try out for the American Idol show. I'm afraid, however, that they will reject anybody that has XLFORUM tattoed on their ass.

Anyway I still think my favorite song is:

I Rode My Harley! ( make up own tune)

I rode my Harley!
I rode my Harley!
I rode my Indian too!
Sometimes I'm sad!
Sometimes I'm blue!
Oh, my face broke out the other night, but I'm in love!
I'm in love, oh my gawd, I'm in love!
I'm gonna ride down that highway alone!
I'm gonna ride down that old highway alone!

Lyrics by Billy Badassbikerdude

kiltbill
29th January 2007, 19:46
Thank You Gary,
for ressurrecting that ahhhh true, ahemmmmm story! I'm sure you are thinking that it could possibly help some of our fraidy cat biker buddies on the XLforum, who might get caught in a similar situation with some low down, dirty, stinkin, sweaty, mean and vicious 1 percenter, sons a butches, bikers. Our little biker buddies need to not be scared of these individuals. They must stand up to these types. As you can see, those guys don't scare me! The more that come at me at one time, the more I like it! Our biker buddies must learn my techniques to duck and bob and weave and bob and weave and duck and bob and well, you get the idea. It's all in the ducking, bobbing and weaving that throws em off.

I can't believe you liked my song so well that you have it posted on your wall. It almost makes me want to cry, no no no, I mean try out for the American Idol show. I'm afraid, however, that they will reject anybody that has XLFORUM tattoed on their ass.

Anyway I still think my favorite song is:

I Rode My Harley! ( make up own tune)

I rode my Harley!
I rode my Harley!
I rode my Indian too!
Sometimes I'm sad!
Sometimes I'm blue!
Oh, my face broke out the other night, but I'm in love!
I'm in love, oh my gawd, I'm in love!
I'm gonna ride down that highway alone!
I'm gonna ride down that old highway alone!

Lyrics by Billy Badassbikerdude

Hey Billy... Good to see ya...

Damn fine story...




kb

collinsb
29th January 2007, 19:50
Hey Billy... Good to see ya...

Damn fine story...kb

Thank You Kiltbill, but no, I follow the threads as much as possible these days and you, and many other members are much more creative than me. I enjoy so many of you! It is fun!

Billy

kiltbill
29th January 2007, 19:53
Thank You Kiltbill, but no, I follow the threads as much as possible these days and you, and many other members are much more creative than me. I enjoy so many of you! It is fun!

Billy

Cheers Billy,

But undeserved, you see the thing is you post occasionally and you post quality. Me I just keep throwing Mud at the wall and see what sticks! :D

A case of Quality over Quantity!

Take care and ride safe...




kb

Moved On
29th January 2007, 20:13
I'm sure you are thinking that it could possibly help some of our fraidy cat biker buddies on the XLforum, who might get caught in a similar situation with some low down, dirty, stinkin, sweaty, mean and vicious 1 percenter, sons a butches, bikers. Our little biker buddies need to not be scared of these individuals.
I won't take full credit, SportsterBart pressed me into digging it up... he's a real scarry son of a butch himself... and I'm a little out of shape to be bobbing and weaving and bobbing and weaving away from him.

Gazza

gronk62
30th January 2007, 04:57
:laugh I get the giggles eveytime Billy posts :D

TomSchneider
30th January 2007, 05:10
wow!!!! what an awesome story!!!! not sure if its true or not but i was playing it in my head like it was real. i cant believe he whopped all of them!! thats awesome!!! "sometimes you have to do what you gotta do" hell yeah!!

Moved On
30th January 2007, 05:34
wow!!!! what an awesome story!!!! not sure if its true or not but i was playing it in my head like it was real. i cant believe he whopped all of them!! thats awesome!!! "sometimes you have to do what you gotta do" hell yeah!!
That ain't the half of what Billy has done to keep the roads clean. He's out there protecting us all the time.

If you ever see a guy riding his red '04 Sporty back and forth in front of the mirrored glass in the stores at the local plaza admiring himself, it could be Billy. If there's a bunch of cute honeys chasing after him, it's probably Billy. If the local 1% club is heading out of town, it's definately Billy.

Gazza

torxster
30th January 2007, 05:34
:laugh I get the giggles eveytime Billy posts :D

Heck, this was the first time in a long time I laughed till I cried. Same as the first time I read it when he posted it.

:laugh:laugh:laugh

Hint: Another really good read - Billy's Bio

It's two hoots and a half a hoot !!

God love ya, Billy Collins.

:clap:clap:clap

SportsterBart
7th June 2007, 18:17
Another :bump for the new folks :)

jamez1965
7th June 2007, 18:39
:wonderlan :wonderlan :wonderlan :wonderlan :wonderlan Man, I'm SO glad Billy's on our side!

Moved On
19th August 2007, 14:41
bump

gazza

SportsterBart
6th October 2007, 10:13
Bump :bump

SportsterBart
22nd November 2007, 07:17
Another bump :bump

cantolina
22nd November 2007, 13:35
Thank You Gary,
for ressurrecting that ahhhh true, ahemmmmm story! I'm sure you are thinking that it could possibly help some of our fraidy cat biker buddies on the XLforum, who might get caught in a similar situation with some low down, dirty, stinkin, sweaty, mean and vicious 1 percenter, sons a butches, bikers. Our little biker buddies need to not be scared of these individuals. They must stand up to these types.
They are not nice people! They are bad, bad people. Bad! As you can see, those guys don't scare me! The more that come at me at one time, the more I like it! Our biker buddies must learn my techniques to duck and bob and weave and bob and weave and duck and bob and well, you get the idea. It's all in the ducking, bobbing and weaving that throws em off.

I can't believe you liked my song so well that you have it posted on your wall. It almost makes me want to cry, no no no, I mean try out for the American Idol show. I'm afraid, however, that they will reject anybody that has XLFORUM tattoed on their ass.

Anyway I still think my favorite song is:

I Rode My Harley! ( make up own tune)

I rode my Harley!
I rode my Harley!
I rode my Indian too!
Sometimes I'm sad!
Sometimes I'm blue!
Oh, my face broke out the other night, but I'm in love!
I'm in love, oh my gawd, I'm in love!
I'm gonna ride down that highway alone!
I'm gonna ride down that old highway alone!

Lyrics by Billy Badassbikerdude

HEH HEH HEH....Billy said "ASS""....HEH HEH

Gr8ful Ryder
26th September 2009, 19:13
This is just classic. old but classic.

bud095
26th September 2009, 19:31
gotta love billybadassbikerdude!

bplinson
2nd April 2013, 19:34
Another classic thread from the original XL Forum. Let's call this a THROWBACK THREAD!

steelworker
2nd April 2013, 19:54
Brilliant, inspired response to all the "girl's bike" paranoia and navel gazing. This should be posted in every such whining thread in the possibly forlorn hope that they understand the irony in it and STFU.