Christmas could be better ...

[Baphomet]

I have been married to my wife, Christy, for what will be 8 years on December 31st. I have no genetic children of my own, but when I married I became the step-father of 3 boys. The eldest was 18 at the time, then one 14 and one 11. The 11 year old is now going on 19, in college, employed, and the only one still living at home. The relationships with all my steps are very good. Each respects me as the head of household, with the youngest considering me his real father since his died when he was very young.

Having never been married and in my 50's (my wife is the same age as me) I find doing holidays to be quit a learning experience. The household I married into seems to conduct holidays very differently than I did when I was a child. Anyway, the two really big holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving, are always enormously stressful for me. Even though the boys are all grown and two with families of their own, my house is the focal point of both those days.

It is not that my wife and I do not appreciate family, nor are we antisocial, but we are tired of hosting two big holidays every year. I told Christy that when I was growing up that the nuclear family (the ones living in the same household with one set of parents) were the only ones together on Christmas morning and sharing Christmas dinner ... visiting with relatives were only brief stays after the Christmas events took place. Christy concurred that it was the same with her upbringing. It turns out that for both of us Thanksgiving and Independence Day were the only "family reunion" type holidays we had. I am aware that some families and especially in some cultures that every event worth noting is an extended family event, but that just simply is not what I nor my wife are comfortable with.

Me eldest, Christopher, has a great wife and 4 year old boy. He really made Christmas this year very stressful because he was expecting to come over and open gifts, stay for the Christmas meal, and watch TV all day (like he has always done). Christy and I had already made plans for her, me, and Aaron to wake up, open gifts, eat a small Christmas meal then we were going to go to my sisters house to visit with her for the rest of the day. We intended for Christopher and his family to come over in the evening for desserts and an exchange of gifts then.

Well, Christopher pitched a fit because we (Christy and I) were going against 'tradition' and it "ruined" his Christmas!! Christy and I stuck to our plans, and Christopher did come over with his family for desserts like I had planned and we had a long talk. I told Christopher that HE was the patriarch in his family now and he and HIS family needed to make their own Christmas traditions. I told him that coming to our house every Christmas morning and having Christmas here is more of an imposition than a tradition. I don't think he liked that, but I am really at the point where I don't care.

Christy and I talked about it and have come up with a great plan. Next year we are going to reserve a cabin where it will most probably be snowing, pack our bags and spend the Christmas holiday away with only each other. We will sit by a fire, and exchange one small gift a piece and have a romantic two days together where we can reflect on our love for each other, our faith in Jesus Christ, and give thanks for the prophesy His birth fulfilled. I am just wondering if anyone finds this selfish. I don't!

[jnoonan1]

That's not selfish and it sounds as if you have been more than accomodating in the past.Make your plans next year and enjoy!!!

[williamv1203]

Doesn't sound selfish to me either and I agree with what you have said.
No offense intended, but don't let it end up like the Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis movie, "Christmas With The Cranks". :D They had basically the same idea, but to go away to the Tropics...

[Teehaml]

You and Christy are at the point in life where you deserve your piece of the pie. Go for it... :D

[wilkin4]

My wife and I feel the same way, we have served our time and it is a lot of work to make a meal for 25 people every Christmas. We go to my wife's fathers house on Christmas eve and then Christmas day they all come to our house. Been doing that for like 30 years, and we are looking to scale back, her father is really getting too old to do all the work needed for the event so it is like putting on two dinners instead of one. Plus my kids are all in their mid to late twenties and still live at home but don't lift a finger to help out during the holidays. Things will be a little different next year. Looking to do a smaller less stressful holiday next year.

Just glad it is finally over..... time to ride.:tour

[Urrell]

Been there, doing that.

Normally just the 2 of us and the dog.
But come Christmas both my children and their spouses with 2 children each come the 150 miles to spend About 4 or 5 days with us. Going from 2 to 10 for that long gets a bit crowded especially come bedtime as we only have 4 double beds! I work over Christmas and it's nice to get out of it for a while.
I envy you being able to get away together for a nice peaceful time.

[Rascal]

I have been married to my wife, Christy, for what will be 8 years on December 31st. I have no genetic children of my own, but when I married I became the step-father of 3 boys. The eldest was 18 at the time, then one 14 and one 11. The 11 year old is now going on 19, in college, employed, and the only one still living at home. The relationships with all my steps are very good. Each respects me as the head of household, with the youngest considering me his real father since his died when he was very young.

Having never been married and in my 50's (my wife is the same age as me) I find doing holidays to be quit a learning experience. The household I married into seems to conduct holidays very differently than I did when I was a child. Anyway, the two really big holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving, are always enormously stressful for me. Even though the boys are all grown and two with families of their own, my house is the focal point of both those days.

It is not that my wife and I do not appreciate family, nor are we antisocial, but we are tired of hosting two big holidays every year. I told Christy that when I was growing up that the nuclear family (the ones living in the same household with one set of parents) were the only ones together on Christmas morning and sharing Christmas dinner ... visiting with relatives were only brief stays after the Christmas events took place. Christy concurred that it was the same with her upbringing. It turns out that for both of us Thanksgiving and Independence Day were the only "family reunion" type holidays we had. I am aware that some families and especially in some cultures that every event worth noting is an extended family event, but that just simply is not what I nor my wife are comfortable with.

Me eldest, Christopher, has a great wife and 4 year old boy. He really made Christmas this year very stressful because he was expecting to come over and open gifts, stay for the Christmas meal, and watch TV all day (like he has always done). Christy and I had already made plans for her, me, and Aaron to wake up, open gifts, eat a small Christmas meal then we were going to go to my sisters house to visit with her for the rest of the day. We intended for Christopher and his family to come over in the evening for desserts and an exchange of gifts then.

Well, Christopher pitched a fit because we (Christy and I) were going against 'tradition' and it "ruined" his Christmas!! Christy and I stuck to our plans, and Christopher did come over with his family for desserts like I had planned and we had a long talk. I told Christopher that HE was the patriarch in his family now and he and HIS family needed to make their own Christmas traditions. I told him that coming to our house every Christmas morning and having Christmas here is more of an imposition than a tradition. I don't think he liked that, but I am really at the point where I don't care.

Christy and I talked about it and have come up with a great plan. Next year we are going to reserve a cabin where it will most probably be snowing, pack our bags and spend the Christmas holiday away with only each other. We will sit by a fire, and exchange one small gift a piece and have a romantic two days together where we can reflect on our love for each other, our faith in Jesus Christ, and give thanks for the prophesy His birth fulfilled. I am just wondering if anyone finds this selfish. I don't!

Sort of the same situation here and I feel about the same way. But for the wife, Christmas is her favorite holiday. She cooks/bakes for 2 days prior to the kids and grandkids getting here, but she loves it. She was so sick last Christmas, everyone finally realized she needed help with the meal and we all pitched in to help her and all helped clean up afterwards. Due to health problems we almost lost her in Jan.-Mar. time frame of 2009, but God pulled her through it all. My sons are 32 and 29, both married with families of their own. The tradition we now have is that we all have a meal together for Thanksgiving at the oldest son's home and Easter, Christmas Eve here, and Easter at youngest son's. Everyone's finally realized that though Mom and Dad are just in their mid 50's, both have major health problems, and need a helping hand now & then. My mother-in-law and wife's step dad have been here since Monday, will stay a couple more days before returning home to the Mississippi state. She's 73 with alzeimzers (not sure how to spell). We're ready for our home back, coffee made like we like it, I'd love to sit in my recliner now and then. But I keep my mouth shut, wife is enjoying seeing her Mom, just lost her real dad in Nov. of 2008. My family has been dead since I was in my 20's, I try to let her enjoy hers. Holidays, especially Christmas, is very depressing for me. I try and fill the void from my mom, dad, and siblings being gone with my wife of 35 years, sons, daughter-in-laws, and grandkids. I've suggested for years to the wife that we take the sons and their families out to eat somewhere, pay the tab, come back to the house and exchange gifts. Her not cooking her tradition meal and baking cookies with the grandkids,,well, she won't even discuss the eating out somewhere. Christmas is over, it soon will be a New Year...may better things be ahead for all of us.

[Sleeper]

Christmas has to be my least favorite holiday.
There's way to much focus on material things and not enough on the true meaning of Christmas.
Tradition with our family is to have Christmas at our own homes with our immediate families.
Then we go to grandma's house for an early dinner.
My 85 year old mother still loves to cook for the big family get together. My wife, sisters and sister-in-law typically help when they can.
Overall it's a system everyone is happy with.
We normally have family over on Christmas eve for dinner. It's something everyone seems to enjoy and it's more laid back than the official Christmas day thing.
This year we took everyone to Applebee's on Christmas eve and it sure was a lot less work that way. Maybe we'll start making that a family tradition. Plus they have two for one Yuengling on tap, that's a nice bonus too. :)

[smittyevo883]

In my opinon your not being selfish either. If you want to spend christmas with your wife then that is your right. I think that christmas should be spent with ones kids, but when they reach a certain age the MAGIC OF THE WHOLE MESS goes out the window. My 2 cents, enjoy the holiday next year with your wife sounds like an awesome time to me.

[Baphomet]

Sort of the same situation here and I feel about the same way. But for the wife, Christmas is her favorite holiday. She cooks/bakes for 2 days prior to the kids and grandkids getting here, but she loves it.

I'm glad you mentioned this. I understand completely because when I was growing up our neighbor Mrs. Click (who is still very much alive and active) thought the whole year revolved around Christmas and like your wife, Ms. Click would start cooking days in advance ... so much so that all of us neighbors got boxes of food and candy from her.

If my wife had the same mindset and inclination as yours does, I would do the same thing as you and keep her happy. That's what us good husbands do ... and you are obviously a great husband. I guess I am blessed in some ways since Christy and I are on the same page about Christmas. But if we were not, I would make sure Christy came out on top!! Kudos to you, brother.

[bigjnsa]

Al, you don't sound selfish at all. In fact, my family doesn't have any traditions at all. Its kind of disappointing, but it works. We alternate the holidays so one part of the family doesn't have too much of the burden. If Dad has Thanksgiving, we do Xmas at Moms (and vice versa). This year, we had Xmas eve at my place, Xmas day at Moms, and Thanksgiving at my sisters.

Personally, I hate it, because all I want to do is eat Brisket and watch the game, but nobody else in my family is a football fan ;(

[xllent01]

No worries..


Me and my bride stayed home also for a nice quiet x-mas, first time in over 5 yrs, No dragging the 2 kids 700 miles (6.5yr old and 16 month old) to see the inlaws who drive me Nuckin Futs..Well mostly the MIL who parades around in here element hosting 20 people..:shhhh but are too lazy to come to NC to see thier grandkids...Oh well they can watch them grow up on Skype over the internet using the webcam..:doh

Atleast I have my sanity and the joy of watching them open thier presents on x-mas morning without having some type of agenda waiting for me over 700 miles away..:rolleyes: :)


BTW- Think I'lll go ride my bike today..low 60's sounds great!!

[atiredwing]

I am just thankful for the friend who invited me over to have Christmas dinner with him and his family. Otherwise I would have been alone. It may look good from the outside looking in but trust me, the view is a lot different in here.
:(

[humpbackbob]

I agrre with Atiredwing. Be thankful that y'all have family to share the holidays with. It's a cold life without.

[Loner]

Xmas is a whatever event for me
one year it is at my mom's, or at my place, or wherever. Not much tradition in my house.
My Sister and Niece always goes to see a movie but that is about it.
I take it as it comes sometimes I spend it alone.
But if I want to be around people I can always go volunteer my time at a local church or senior center or wherever they always need people to help out.

[Fat Tony]

I don't think you are being selfish, but I must ask when you informed him of the new plans? If it was within the last week (as I suspect) then perhaps a bit of communication earlier in the process on your part could have prevented this from happening in the first place.

If you provide notice then he just needs to man up and deal with it, things change over time.

[sportyblue]

This one pulls at my heart strings. I love spending Christmas with as much family as possible.....parents, my daughter....her family....my sister and hubby and their family ( their three sons and sometimes their gf's.....sometimes his folks.....and some of his siblings....and friends who aren't even related........and a few years ago.....a couple of clients who had no family and we were so happy to have them spend Christmas with us. I love that ! Usually Christmas is at my parents' home....or my little sister's place.....only two places big enough for such a large group of people. But I have had Christmas dinner at my place a few times too when the gathering was smaller.

Now that Mom and Dad are older we recognize it is very difficult for Mom to pull off a dinner by herself so Mary and I help her out....a lot.....when it's at her home. There's going to become a time when they aren't even here anymore...........and I will be so glad for these memories.

Looking at things from your point of view. I do not think it's selfish to spend Christmas off by yourself with your spouse occasionally. And to some people getting together at Christmas isn't all that important. So again, I don't think it's selfish to do what is right for you. And your right .....your son can have a big Christmas dinner at his home and in fact invite you over there for dessert and gift exchange......nothing wrong with that at all. Mom never does Thanksgiving AND Christmas anymore.....back in the day she did.....but even then we helped out.

I love all the laughter and chatting around a nice Christmas day.....5-6 differant conversations going on or more.....some people playing games....some cooking....some napping.....the dogs the cats the bird....it is so great......I'm sure I left a lot out. :)

EDIT: I did leave something out......sneaking off for a bit to log on here and see how Christmas was going here......another happy place. :)

[MetallHed]

must be different for me because i love spending all the time with family.

I only have four members of my family left, one of which lives in florida and I dont see anyway.

for the past four years since i've been with my SO, i have acquired a HUGE family, and I love it. We had x-mas at her grandmas on the 19th, x-mas at her immediate familys on the 24th, x-mas at her sisters at 7am on the 25th, 10am at my house for my family, and 1pm at her other grandparents house, then to my parents house at 6pm, and back to her grandpas at 8pm. the same routine happens for thanksgiving. most of the other holidays is split time between my family and her dad's family. We spend a TON of time with her dad... and it's great!

i love every minute of it and it'll be a sad sad x-mas when we dont get to go to all of those places. anyone of us might not be here by next x-mas so i think i'll take the stress for two days out of 365.