A Question of Ethics

[BWP 5p]

OK....here's the situation:
A group of 15 long-term buddies, spread out about the country. Super close in High School 42 years ago....and have stayed in touch via e-mail, visits, yearly get togethers, reunions etc.

Recently one of the guys (we'll call him Tom) gets a divorce...and now we find out that another of the group (we'll call him Don) has hooked up with Tom's Ex.:doh
Now Don lives in Wisconsin and the EX is in Arizona.....and it's really nobody's business....and we'd have never even known EXCEPT......they started posting about it on Facebook, where all three are active.

Are the rest of us wrong in thinking this is extremely tacky, and flaunting it in Tom's face?:rolleyes:

I mean.....other than apparently bragging about their relationship, what's the purpose of letting anyone know what their relationship status is?

Opinions?

[slumchop]

as tactless as it is, even older new couples get that puppy love and feel like they need to tell the world they love each other. or its really about being hurtful and rubbing it in, either way, if the wounds are still open its done in very poor taste, and not at all reflective of the adults they are

[NRHS Sales]

It really depends. Who initiated the divorce. Him or her? How long have they been seperated? Do you think this relationship is what caused the divorce(that is the big one!!

[shotgun46]

one mans trash is another mans treasurer they will make fools out of them self's

[d_eggman2]

Dam Facebook !

[Tin Man 2]

Adults on Facebook? Bragging about relationships? My God these Folks need a Life.

[Baphomet]

I'm just a tad confused because if Don is hooked up with Tom's EX then WHO is flaunting WHAT in Don's face? If anything, Tom would be the one on the receiving end of torment.

Regardless of my misunderstanding, has anybody in your group voiced their concern to whoever is doing the 'flaunting'? Usually if someone is told they are being a jerk they will think about it and stop. Otherwise they are REALLY a jerk and should be dealt with like one.

[Baphomet]

By the way, here's the real Facebook:
http://www.thecopierguru.com/public/realfacebook.jpg

[BWP 5p]

I'm just a tad confused because if Don is hooked up with Tom's EX then WHO is flaunting WHAT in Don's face? If anything, Tom would be the one on the receiving end of torment.

Regardless of my misunderstanding, has anybody in your group voiced their concern to whoever is doing the 'flaunting'?

:doh:doh Yeh....I revised the name calling:p I had it screwed up:doh

And yes......we have mentioned it. The female basically said :censor off!

[NRHS Sales]

Sounds like a woman scorned to me.

[xHDrider]

By the way, here's the real Facebook:
http://www.thecopierguru.com/public/realfacebook.jpg


That is good!

back to the problem, its a bad thing, but not the worst thing that can happen to a guy.

be thankful for what you have when you have it. life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

if he has his health that's what counts.

[xlcruser]

Tom may actually be a happy camper about the whole thing. Rid of her for sure so to speak. If it is that they are just trying to cause hurt feelings, that is pretty juvenile. But who ever said love makes any sense?

[scottsxl1200]

Doesnt sound like Don was as good a friend as everyone thought. Anyone of the other tight friends could be next.

[TonyC]

Yup, this is the wonderful era of internet social interaction. Now not only can you bash people, bully people, and such, now you can rub relationships in each others faces as well. Site such as Facebook are useful in connecting with old friends, which I have done like many others. But unfortunately, people live on those sites and post some hurtful stuff. Those unspoken words that used to exist between casual friends, family members and such now come out for all to see. The act of posting something and not having to face the person is all too frequent. You can post and ignore people all you want. These sites can be so hurtful to everyone.

Your situation is very tough for a bunch of friends to be in. In my opinion it is tacky, and they ex and "Don" have no compassion or regard for "Tom".

[sick1200]

I don't know. If one of my buddies hooked up with my ex wife I would probably be pretty upset at him. Then it would get my mind reelin if they were hookin up before and that's what caused the divorce. Too many variables to consider here, maybe Don asked Tom if it would be okay.

[slumchop]

I don't know. If one of my buddies hooked up with my ex wife I would probably be pretty upset at him.

i got 3 women rules
1.dont mess with a married or taken woman
2.dont mess a woman who's been with family member (disgusting)
3.dont mess with a friends ex (who wants a friends leftovers anyway)

[2002_hugger883]

Hooking up with a friENDS ex almost always ends the friendship. To much tension, There is always another woman around the next bend.

[philidor1958]

I was married for 13 long years to my first wife. I would not care who took her, all I can say is 'Thank God and Greyhound she is gone'. Now on my second marriage I have too many kids and can not afford the child support and my views are 'please do not leave me'.


:sofa

[linkin5]

It would seem to me the the ex-wife might be trying to twist the knife so to speak, it may take awhile but Tom will realize that he is better off without a person like she sounds to be in his life. And in time that knife will look good sticking out of Dons back also.

[Opus X]

Tom needs to ask Don how his dictate, to quote Buckwheat.

No piece of tail is worth a friend of 42 years. Sounds like Don may have not been much of a friend.

[Erik]

I'd say Don and Tom should get a little get together and speak out what needs to be adressed.
Type : Beer-summit ;)
If they both are cool with the new situation nobody will need to feel awkward .

Is an "ex" always off-limits or 'allowed' after a certain period or from the moment the divorced friend himself finds a new wife ?
To many variables :D

[Casper]

Regardless of how happy Tom is to be single again, this ain't good. If he is happy she's gone, he won't be able to escape her. He's still gonna hear all about her from the calls and emails, and probably see her at the reunions. If he's not happy, he's simply being reminded of his misery. Either way, bad scene.

Among my crew, we generally have a rule that, if the guy gives his blessing, you're allowed to go after his ex. I've seen it happen once, and it didn't go over well. It created a massive undercurrent of tension between the three of them, which ruined things for the rest of us. We eventually had to take action, which resulted in losing a friend. We weren't happy with the way things went down, but it was better than the alternative.

My personal rule is that, as soon as a girl hooks up with a family member or a friend, she becomes persona non nookie to me. There are a lot of other chicks out there, and despite my buddies claims to the contrary, they haven't dated all of them!

[Loner]

key word EX she is gone. If she still has the baggage that is HER problem.
Face book, my space, flickr, who gives a shit.
tell your friend to go have a beer-drink and thank his lucky stars it is not him on Facebook.
IF it really bothers hims, have him get a facebook account, get a bunch of his buddies together have a party take a few snapshot of him having a good ole time and post them on face book
with the caption missing you NOT.:banana

That is the fun of social media you just got to know how to use it:smoke
And I almost fotgot IF she tries the "Friends Request" how much satisfaction it will be to click on "Ignore"

[Gone]

The best revenge, should any man steal your wife, is to let him keep her. The guy should feel lucky that she is gone. It's pretty tasteless, but a good reminder of why he isn't with her.

[paralegalpete]

Its cool that after all these years you are still in close touch with so many old friends.
And it's neat that the Internet is available to help keep the social connections.
A stituation like this is bound to arise.

I don't think that anyone has a claim on someone else no matter what the circumstances.

Tom had his time and hopefully he made the best of it.

[Hogwylde]

i got 3 women rules
1.dont mess with a married or taken woman


We're all bikers here! I think what you meant to say is:

1. Don't mess with another man's property!

(You might be a poser if you say it otherwise) :laugh

[cybrdyke]

Never let some bitch come between friends.

[jjw]

Adults on Facebook? Bragging about relationships? My God these Folks need a Life.

+1.....Got to agree:doh

[Weo]

I'm sure it was said in another movie, but Donald Sutherland said in "The Italian Job" that its not about trusting people to do something, it was about trusting people to be themselves.

I have friends, including myself, that think ex's are off limits, out of respect. I have other friends that don't really talk about it, but I know it wouldn't stop them from dating them. As I get older, I think its more of respecting a friend's feelings if they were really smitten with the ex, I know that there are a couple great women that I dated that I broke up with that I'd be happy if they found what they were looking for with a friend. If they are truly happy together, they shouldn't have to hide it anyway.

I feel sorry for your friend, but apparently it just wasn't meant to be, and it's time to get over her.

[F'DuponXL]

I put 100% of the blame on facebook...
http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/object/1907/37/n2218170167_33533.jpg

[Fe883]

Either way...any relationship born in betrayal is not long for this world....

[edwilson29]

My buddies and I have a standing rule.....Once one of us had been with her, she is off limits.....FOREVER!!!!

Kinda extreme but, we will hopefully never have to worry about fightin over the same chick, or have to invite our ex over for the Super Bowl. LOL

[jnoonan1]

What happened to "Bro's before Ho's?" :doh

[Unbalanced]

What happened to "Bro's before Ho's?" :doh

Beat me to it lol

that, and as a guy that was in college when facebook was open only to college students, I still laugh a little at the thought of all the folks my parents age (no offense) on facebook.

[cantolina]

I don't understand? Don't you guys know where the "unfriend" button is?

:D