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6th October 2011
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I am the great Cornholio!
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Near Philly
Posts: 4,681 Sportster/Buell Model: 1200R Sportster/Buell Year: 2006 Other Motorcycle Model: Suzuki GT550 Other Motorcycle Year: 1974
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Best comeback line ever!!!
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop...
"You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" He stated in an interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose; cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .
I said, Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said...
"A pumpkin? ..... is it midnight already?"
__________________
"I fly - I sail - I throw caution to the wind ..." -Jimmy Buffett
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." -George Carlin
"So what else is on your mind besides hundred-proof women, 'n' ninety-proof whiskey, 'n' fourteen-carat gold?" Lee Marvin - "The Professionals"
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them."
John Wayne - "The Shootist"
I wasn't selling moonshine. I was just holding a package for a man in exchange for $80 and didn't even know what was in it. - Daycare owner in Charlotte NC
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