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Human Relationships - Marriage, Dating, the Single Life This is where you can discuss human relations topicsthat are important to you. Please keep the discussion intelligent and remember EVERYONE has their own opinion.

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  #1  
Old 8th January 2011
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Mattbastard Mattbastard is offline
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Default Well, I kicked her out.

Yup, after 3.5 years of dating she needed to receive a strong message regarding her alcohol use, so I sent her to her dad's for a long weekend stay until she has to work on Tuesday night, then nursing school starts for her Wednesday.

We were in our late 20's when we were official, but I've known her since the teens. We went to high school together, then didn't talk for a while, then when I was in college in the mid 00's she's occasionally sent me a concert invite. Being in engineering school, fat chance, but she was persistent. After I got out she coaxed me into going to Ozzfest. That's where it started. The first year was great, but she always tested my patience with alcohol. She's the kind of personality who doesn't know what moderation is with booze. We go out, she starts with the hard stuff, then when I'm ready to go she's whining about after partys and what not. Last night was the last straw. It's the last free weekend before school is back in session, want's to meet some classmates out for a few. I'm not really in the mood but I'll take one for the team and go for a couple. I would up having 3 Jameson/diet's to her 4, then I'm ready to go at 1. I tell her I'm gonna go warm up the car, she's got 5 min. I gave her 10, then left without her. This behavior is notorious by the way. I get home, the cell rings. She's not pissed, but wondering if she can chill with her friends then get dropped off later. I say it's cool, but "don't f*&k with me when you get back!" You see, whenever she's come back drunk in the past (and I mean way after bar close) she's the most annoying person on the planet. Turning on lights on, music, singing, not quiet at all. This is what I meant, just let me enjoy my alarmclockless slumber. Nope, she comes storming in at 4:00 am, barges into the room, "slips" into bed and wants some action. Not only do I really like sleeping, but wake me up in the middle of the night acting like that, not to mention I've had this happen about 12 times in the past, and you're getting the horns so to speak. FFWD 1 hour (5:am) and she's passed out in the spare bed after calling me a fag for not wanting nookie from her drunk ass, but I can finally get back to sleep. I awake at 8:am, make some coffee, then at 9 go wake her up. I was nice about it, usually I just poke her ass and ask her when the memories get fuzzy. She remembered all of it surprisingly. She comes downstairs, I make me some breakfast, she passes out on the couch. I go in the basement to start cleaning the engine of that 89 sporty I bought cheap (search my topics for more) for some zen time to think. I come back upstairs around noon, wake her up and tell her to go stay with her dad for a few days. About an hour later I hear her ask him if she can stay with him for a spell, then we'd talk. About a half an hour ago, she left. We'll see what happens. This is the only way I can think to send her the message I want to get across. Her drinking has been a problem with me for a long time. I don't expect her to just quit cold turkey because I really like a bit of sauce here and there, but that's my point, just a bit. Moderation is the key, and she needs to learn it. If it weren't for the booze, she's the best relationship I've ever had. I'm not going to throw all this away over a few random benders, but I want her to know that she's heading for a professional lifestyle (registered nurse, early 30's) and needs to act more like it.

I honestly have no idea why I'm putting this on the XLForum, I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest. Take care everyone.
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  #2  
Old 8th January 2011
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Good luck.
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  #3  
Old 8th January 2011
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Hope she's gets the message, I've learned that people really don't change, but you never know.

Best of luck
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  #4  
Old 8th January 2011
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A good, mature approach. I wish you the best with it.
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  #5  
Old 8th January 2011
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I love it when they come to bed with booze on their breath, but thats just me.

Hope it all works out for you.
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  #6  
Old 8th January 2011
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Matt,

I have a sometimes troubled relationship myself but her side isnt booze related its mental and Multiple Sclerosis.

Best gal in the world 1 second and the next ya never know

Yes i like to drink my self and quite a bit actually but i drink my beer.

I gave up hard stuff over a year ago after drinking it for over 20 yrs.

When i got to a quart a day and landed in the hospital with acute anemia missing 4 pints of blood it was time for me to change !
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  #7  
Old 8th January 2011
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Don't get me wrong, I love alcohol. Hell, I make my own beer! I just believe alcohol, amongst other things that have addiction written all over them, should be enjoyed in moderation. The true talent lies in ones ability to control these addictions.
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Old 8th January 2011
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I still drink about a 12 er a day but no hard shit

after a qt a day a 12 er is nothing !

I get to work at 6 am everyday !
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  #9  
Old 8th January 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattbastard View Post
Don't get me wrong, I love alcohol. Hell, I make my own beer! I just believe alcohol, amongst other things that have addiction written all over them, should be enjoyed in moderation. The true talent lies in ones ability to control these addictions.
+1 Matt. Self control.... what a concept.... Good luck to you. You probably should of layed down the law awhile ago.... but I understand your position... after all she is an adult.......
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  #10  
Old 8th January 2011
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I've been right where you are. She wont quit until she wants to. But, then be prepared for a lifetime of "one drink away from disaster." That's, of course, if she really is an alcoholic. I'm not in anyway disparaging AA, addicts, etc.; all I'm saying is the partner really has to know what he/she is getting into and honestly ask himself/herself if they can live with it. My wife started out as a hard partier too. We were married for 9.5 years. The last three of which I supported her (financially, emotionally, etc.) through all sorts of detox, therapy, AA, etc. The last straw was when she met someone at an AA meeting and they ending up going to get drunk togther. Apparently I wanted her sobiety more than she did. We separated the next day.
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