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  #11  
Old 7th May 2011
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Originally Posted by '79 Supercharged Fuel Inj View Post
This guy in "love" or not, this woman would have to be pretty desperate to want to get "back together" with him after this breach of trust.
kinda seems to me like trust was breached on both sides. two wrongs dont make a right. but at least he didnt go live with another girl. they both are young and human and we all make mistakes, i agree it was wrong to invade her privacy. i was only commenting to his state of mind at the time. but i still believe that if he can forgive her that forgiveness should also be given to him. nothing desperate about forgiving a bad decision.
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  #12  
Old 8th May 2011
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Mettalhed.......Take it from me, Girl friends and wives...they come and they go. Life, as the world itself, is always changing and dynamic. Your driving yourself nuts over something you have NO control over. Relax. Take a deep breath and quit swimming up stream. Find something that makes to happy and keeps you busy, while this thing takes it course. DATE SOME CUTE CHICKS. Get an emotional grip. No woman is drawn to a man who is unsure of himself and projects it. Quit worrying about this girl. And stop brainwashing yourself into believing you'll love her till the day you die. That's poppycock, and makes you sound weak and hopeless. You fell down. Get up, crank up that motor scooter and climb back on.
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  #13  
Old 8th May 2011
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anything worth having you have to work for. sounds like you both have way too much invested to throw it away. i have been married for thirty eight years. some of them good and some not but we always worked it out.i beieve Y'all can too i will be Praying for you both.
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  #14  
Old 8th May 2011
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I was with a women once for 6 years when I was your age, worst six years of my life, thought I loved her too, when I found out about her last boyfriend I left her, turned out she was only using me when it was convienent for her. Even on my way back to my old home (19 hours away) she still tried to get me to come back over the phone and I could hear her boyfriend (co worker) in the background. Thought we had a child together, found out when he was 13 that he wasn't mine. Guess what i'm trying to say is that don't be to clouded and trust your gut. Someone who really loves you won't leave you when the going gets tuff. My thing is, if your relationship with your girlfriend, fiance, wife becomes more like a relationship with a sister thing have gone wrong. It's good to have a friend but maybe now it's time to look for that special someone who will be a lasting partner through thick or thin.

good luck and +1 on a long ride, take some time for yourself to make sure you take care of you and find the path in life thats best for you
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  #15  
Old 8th May 2011
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You're 24! Move on dude. Same girl last 5 years? You need to get some experience. Sounds cold I know but I'm telling you are way too young to be worried for too long with this. My 2 cents for what its worth.
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  #16  
Old 8th May 2011
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MetallHed MetallHed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paralegalpete View Post
Hey I'm happy that your comfortable enough to come here and vent, it's always good to write things down and examine your feelings about things.

I think you have it figured out from reading the last paragraph.

I hope things work out for you
Thank you for the good thoughts! It does feel better to at least get it out and read it over. I could always use advice and read experience others have had too.

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Originally Posted by LifesHarlequin View Post
Continue to remind her how deeply your love for her goes and how you will always be there for her. Keep that thought foremost in her mind about you and again, be patient. I hope it all works out for you, especially since I've been there, and really feel for you.
Your situation sounds very similar to mine in a lot of aspects, so hearing that it did work out for you gives me some confidence. I am reminding her that I'm there for her no matter what happens between me and her relationship-wise. At the very least I move on to a new romantic relationship but always have a good friend that I can trust. This is worst case scenario. Thank you for the good wishes and thoughts!

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Originally Posted by snake oil View Post
It is time for you to go for a very long ride alone.
As the weather cooperates.. I will be. Being out on the bike is a great therapy session. lol

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Originally Posted by yellowsled View Post
Keep the mindset you have now, focus on you. Ride your bike, enjoy your time alone and meet new people. I believe that if your force something(no matter what it is)in life the result is usually a negative one. Let things work themselves out. Just be patient. Good luck.
I agree that it's a bad idea to force anything.. that would not be wise and not what I'm trying to do either. I just keep reminding her how I feel and that I hope she is thinking things through for her. Thank you!

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Originally Posted by sporty01 View Post
continue being her friend. show her that you love her/more than just saying the words. if its meant to be it will be. dont and i repeat dont smother her with i love yous she needs to feel it more than hear it right now. dont get me wrong hearing it is nice but feeling it is everything. give her space and let her come to whatever decision she feels is right for her. you already know what you want. good luck and god bless hope things work out for you and her. and thumbs up to you for posting your feelings and asking for help, it shows a level of maturity that people your age struggle to reach.
Thank you for the blessings! I do know what I want, now I just have to work on being me and hope things work out. Also, it's scary for me to think how I've handled it.. previously I would've blown up, told her to eff off, and never talked to her again.. no matter who was at fault. I guess I have too many feelings for her to ruin that or let that die.

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Originally Posted by chardhin View Post
What I have learned with relationships and being in love is this. At first there is a passionate romance that we called love, its almost madness, two people that are only for the world to be by each other and feel that spark of lust and desire. After a few years that madness changes it turns into some thing else. I like to called it a more comfortable love, its good to call it home. the passion turns into home. I see more relationship fall apart once this happens, especialy with younger couples. Happend to me. Now while this love that is passionate and romantic last its like a drug, and most couples, once this drug changes into everyday life. They get unhappy and want the drug again. this is why people ask for their space and end up finding that young romantic lust in other relationships. I have no solutions for this only observations. this is what I have observed and expirenced. I hope you can see this for what it is and find happiness. dont let it change your confidence and desires. you will either find her again or someone new and fresh. good luck.
I agree that most people ditch after the initial new-ness wears off. I would say that I was like that too, so I understand it. Thank you for the observations!

Quote:
Originally Posted by '79 Supercharged Fuel Inj View Post
That is so low. jmo
Maybe, but I felt it had to be done to get a final answer to my gut feeling. I wasn't about to go around accusing, pointing fingers, or blaming her without substantial evidence.. that's a recipe for disaster. I feel bad for having to do that, but I had to. I pay for the cell phones anway.. lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by sporty01 View Post
he kept himself from making a mistake that would have ended the relationship then and there, permanantly, at least now there is still chance for reconciliation.
And that was my goal... I didn't want to react badly and close the door on the relationship. That doesn't end well. We live in a small town plus the fact we work for the same company so there would be a good chance of running into each other.. and to just start a hate war with people isn't good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Montana Cowboy View Post
Mettalhed.......Take it from me, Girl friends and wives...they come and they go. Life, as the world itself, is always changing and dynamic. Your driving yourself nuts over something you have NO control over. Relax. Take a deep breath and quit swimming up stream. Find something that makes to happy and keeps you busy, while this thing takes it course. DATE SOME CUTE CHICKS. Get an emotional grip. No woman is drawn to a man who is unsure of himself and projects it. Quit worrying about this girl. And stop brainwashing yourself into believing you'll love her till the day you die. That's poppycock, and makes you sound weak and hopeless. You fell down. Get up, crank up that motor scooter and climb back on.
You're right, I have no control over it. I know what I want, now it's up to her. It takes two to tango and I can't force her into anything. I know this.. I'm just trying my best to be in her mind and have good thoughts.

While I am not interested in another relationship right now, I wont deny the opportunity to make new friends. I think jumping into another relationship is stupid and only masks feelings and truth with the feeling of being with someone new. The point in time when I'm okay with just being me, and comfortable with that, is when I'll start looking to get into another relationship with a girl.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Likemlouder View Post
anything worth having you have to work for. sounds like you both have way too much invested to throw it away. i have been married for thirty eight years. some of them good and some not but we always worked it out.i beieve Y'all can too i will be Praying for you both.
Relationships are hard work, that's the truth. We do have a lot invested and honestly I would say 90% of our relationship has been awesome; so why shut the door on having that back? I think that if we do get through this, we'll have learned a lot about each other and our selves, and if we stay honest, we could have an even better relationship because of it. Time will tell. Thank you for the prayers!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodie View Post
I was with a women once for 6 years when I was your age, worst six years of my life, thought I loved her too, when I found out about her last boyfriend I left her, turned out she was only using me when it was convienent for her. Even on my way back to my old home (19 hours away) she still tried to get me to come back over the phone and I could hear her boyfriend (co worker) in the background. Thought we had a child together, found out when he was 13 that he wasn't mine. Guess what i'm trying to say is that don't be to clouded and trust your gut. Someone who really loves you won't leave you when the going gets tuff. My thing is, if your relationship with your girlfriend, fiance, wife becomes more like a relationship with a sister thing have gone wrong. It's good to have a friend but maybe now it's time to look for that special someone who will be a lasting partner through thick or thin.

good luck and +1 on a long ride, take some time for yourself to make sure you take care of you and find the path in life thats best for you
Thanks for the good luck! That sucks you had to go through all of that stuff. No offense to you, but it's situations like yours that remind me that I could've been worse.. it really could've. I agree that I might be starting to think about moving on.. but I'm really not ready to close the door quite yet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Grind~ View Post
You're 24! Move on dude. Same girl last 5 years? You need to get some experience. Sounds cold I know but I'm telling you are way too young to be worried for too long with this. My 2 cents for what its worth.
Understandable. I don't really focus on the age thing though. I still do things a 24 year old does. Gets hammered, plays games, goes to concerts, parties, bars, etc. This relationship felt right and felt good.. so I did it.



Thank you all again for the insight and replies! Keep 'em coming! I'll keep this updated as time goes by... seems like a good outlet on what I'm thinking.

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  #17  
Old 8th May 2011
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I should also point out that I have left it up to her to contact me if she wants to hang out or do something. She has asked me to drinks, out to lunch three times, go for a walk, watch Sons of Anarchy, go on rides, and just generally hang out and chat. This morning she wants me to go to the mall with her and to look for mom day gifts. I have happily accepted the invitations and we've had a great time all the while talking a little bit about what's going on. I guess this is better than her saying "bye" and not contacting me at all...
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  #18  
Old 8th May 2011
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If you have to "work" at love then it's most certainly not worth it. And the moment any suspicion of fidelity (either emotional or physical) comes into play, it's time to walk away. Life is way too short to get cluttered up with unnecessary BS.
Some say there are plenty of fish in the sea. Well, I say there are plenty more boobies to grab. Go forth and get a handfull, young man!
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  #19  
Old 10th May 2011
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haha.. booooobies. Bring 'em on.


Right now I'm kinda layin' low. We went and did a little bit of shopping and she got a hair cut. I still haven't initiated contact, but she has been texting me often about things that are upsetting her: going to live with her dad, finding a new home for our St. Bernard, etc. She also has been including pics of her and her new hair style and saying things like "what would I do without u in my life" and "ur so amazing." I respond if I'm available.

When she texts me messages like those last two, it confuses the shit out of me. If I'm so amazing and you wouldn't know what to do without me, why the hell aren't we together? It gives me mixed feelings on what she's thinking. I don't think girls ever know what they want: they run on emotion.

Right now I'm still in the same mindset as I have been... focus on me. Working on the bike and riding, started jogging and lifting free weights, and talking with old friends and new ones.
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  #20  
Old 10th May 2011
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Son, I've been following your plight with interest. The workings of a female mind are no more mysterious then yours and mine. What drives us all is food, shelter and security. These are our basic necessities. Beyond that, frilly stuff like "Love", and "Happiness" get kicked around. These concepts differ from one human being to another. It's the individual human that has to be considered, how does he or she define those terms? Here's my point: There are some wonderful, true blue, kind and happy hearted people you inhabit this planet. But there are a bunch of psycopathic sneaky self-serving low lifes as well. Saddly, many of these, play their fellow man like a video game......looking for all they can cheat and extort out of the deal for themselves. Partner, you need to learn how to evaluate everyone carefully, while keeping your own cards close to your chest, before being willing to make any major commitments as you negociate your way through life.

Let's forget about your girlfriend for a second and pretend your problem exists with a business partner. A fella you thought you knew. Turns out, your doing twice the amount of work and worrying about your company, and he's been cooking the books and stealing you blind.......after discovering proof of that, what would you be doing??? Driving yourself batty in therapy sessions trying to "find the good" in this low life under-achiever? I sure hope not.

I think you need to snap out of it and clearly re-evaluate this woman. I'll bet that every angle you've been seeing her from was through rose colored glasses. This gal to me, seems like a frivilous trollop at best, or a serious callus bitch worst case. Either way, she's robbed you of your pride and left you with a beat up self esteem.

Now possibly I'm being too hard on her....maybe she's not so bad, and just isn't ready to commit to anyone in a long term relationship....but one thing is for sure, she has to know how miserable she's made you, and obviously doesn't care about that. No, I'd say she's probably just enjoying herself pulling your strings and watching you dance around, like her private puppet.

You have you let her know your not going to dance to her tune anymore. You have to let her know that your serious. More importantly, it's you, that has to draw the line and admit "Your mad as hell, and your not going to take it anymore".

Ever Bass fish in clear water? You can sometimes see that lunker laying there next to that big lilly pad. Toss that worm under his nose and let it lay, and all he'll do is look at it. You gotta start jerking it away before he'll give chase.

It's the same with this girl. She's in her comfort zone, with you revolving around her like an excited puppy wanting his lord and master to throw out a ball. "Answering her, yes Ma'am", everytime she calls.

Quit stepping and fetching. For God's sake ask an interesting and stimulating cutie out on a date. Let yourself toy with the idea that there will be life after this sad episode you've gone through is over. Here's what I think would happen if you'll listen to me: In the not too distant future this (now semi confused) chick will call you up and begin pleading for some of your time, possibly with a Big Change of heart. Once she sees you disapearing over the horizon...she may take a shot at getting you back.

By then, hopefully you'll be wiser, and much more critical about her proposal. The choice will still be yours to make, BUT yours will be the position of power. Just has it ought to be.

If she doesn't bother....man, you just saved yourself an untold world of grief, and 1/2 your accumulated net worth, plus 18 years of child support, marrying a rotton apple.

A TERRIFIC SIDE BENEFIT WILL BE lOOKING AT YOURSELF PROUDLY IN THE MIRROR AGAIN. Good luck.
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