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Human Relationships - Marriage, Dating, the Single Life This is where you can discuss human relations topicsthat are important to you. Please keep the discussion intelligent and remember EVERYONE has their own opinion.

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  #21  
Old 10th May 2011
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MetallHed MetallHed is offline
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That's probably the best response I've gotten. After reading it initially.. I got sad. Probably because it's the truth I've been lying to myself about all along. I'm going to read it over a few times and when I'm not emotional about it, I'll probably take your advice.

I've been thinking in the time that we hung out last.. and the thing that keeps popping up when I think how much I love her is "dude, she cheated. She broke your trust. You'd never do that to her.".. plain and simple.. There should be someone out there that is willing to love me as much as I do them and NOT cheat on me. It would've been a hell of a lot better if she just said "look, we aren't working anymore. I think we should end it." And not lie to me. If something happened later in time, then we'd cross that bridge when we got there, perhaps to try it again. This is different though.

I am starting to think that seriously riding solo for a while would be good for me. And probably good for her long episode of "being confused."

I'll take the first step today by actually changing my status to single on facebook. Seems lame, but when I brought it up she said she wasn't ready. Well... I'm gonna make it happen.
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  #22  
Old 10th May 2011
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Your situation sounds very similar to one I was in a few years back, and if I was good with words, I would have said exactly what Montana did. Hit it right on the head. Hope you can get if figured out so you're good with you.
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  #23  
Old 10th May 2011
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Well said Cowboy, Wish I would have learn all that sooner in life, Better off late than never.
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  #24  
Old 10th May 2011
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Awesome post Cowboy! A friend gave me similar advice back when I was in my early 20's as well.
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  #25  
Old 10th May 2011
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I had two close friends in a similar position. I met them after they sort of split. They were engaged and I believe living together. Not sure if they actually had a date set, but if not were close. For some reason they did not get married and were living apart.

He was devoted to her, always calling her, buying her gifts, driving 20 miles in the middle of the night because she saw a spider in her apartment and wanted him to kill it, etc. She was confused, did not know what to do, etc. She was going out with friends, having fun, and basically leading him on big time. This lasted for perhaps a year or so.

Then she met someone and started dating him but still had my friend to buy her things. She moved to California to be with her new guy and was still calling my friend. A few months later they split up and she came home. Fortunately this ended when my friend met someone else and forgot about his old girl friend. Had he not, this would probably still be going on 15 years later.

Having known both of them closely I truly do believe she was more confused than trying to take advantage of him. Yet she did and he was feeling like you have described yourself for quite a while.

My point in all of this is life is too short to sit around waiting for someone. One cannot convince someone to love them and you cannot change someone. Focus on yourself and enjoy life. Who knows, in the process you may meet someone and forget about your girl friend, or she may realize she has made a mistake and does care for you.
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  #26  
Old 10th May 2011
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I went through a similar situation about 20 years ago now. I was in my 1st year of college when a buddy of mine who was a senior in high school introduced me to the cutest little green eyed, freckled redhead he had a couple of classes with. We hit it off well enough to date for a while, she graduated high school and we got engaged. Long story short, she cheated on me once that I know of (and I suspect at least one other time with another guy) and ended up dumping me after a five year relationship. I found out about the infidelity well after she dumped me or she'd have been long gone before then.

Your situation seems pretty close to what I went through and my experience says you should drop her now! It took me some time to get over that 5 year chapter and start dating again. Went on a few dates, at least one of which was a real psycho, and through a really odd twist of fate ended up married to a woman I couldn't stand when I first met her. I knew her through a high school friend of mine (not the same guy who introduced me to the redhead) and couldn't stand to be around her then. She grew up/matured and we've been married for about 15 years now.

At your age, 5 years is a long time...I know exactly what that feels like. Cut your losses now, take a little time to get over her, and go find the right woman!
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  #27  
Old 10th May 2011
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Been there and lived through that. Throw your leg over that harley and head off over the horizon no looking back. Listen to Cowboy that is some great advice
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  #28  
Old 10th May 2011
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Thanks for the advice and stories guys.. it's really helping. I tried to do the nice thing by calling her and giving her a heads up on me changing my status. I sleep during the day so I didn't want to be woken up with a bunch of texts and calls, and I didn't want her to freak out.. well.. she did anyway.

"Why the hell would you want to do that?!"
"I can't go one day without feeling like shit."

When I tried to explain that it was because I am, in fact, single. She just replied, "I can't make you do anything, so whatever." Then hung up.

Then I started getting a few texts:

"Y and where did this come from?"
"Do you just want to see someone else?"

I just replied with a "look, I am single. I don't want to upset you so I gave you a heads up. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I thinking about it. If a simple thing like changing my status gets you this upset, maybe you should be doing more thinking."

Step one, done.

Sleepy time. Thanks for the support.. keep it coming!
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  #29  
Old 10th May 2011
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Good luck with any relationship working nights, I was a professional night shifter for 15 years....Lot's of money, but flipping to day shift for a relationship on weekends will kill you.
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  #30  
Old 10th May 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ireeman View Post
Good luck with any relationship working nights, I was a professional night shifter for 15 years....Lot's of money, but flipping to day shift for a relationship on weekends will kill you.


...and sometimes the relationship will kill you.
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