Teenage Son, Aaaarg!

[rjm13]

those are tough years for kids. theres no single event that moves a child to a man.

2 things i would try is let him teach or show you something. my ex's son was into video games. i showed interest in what he was playing and cant believe how he lit up explaining it all to me...i even got my own so we could play together online. it really opened the door to a cool relationship. one we still have today.

the other thing i would do is take him camping..go fishing...shoot guns, let him have a beer. build a the biggest bon fire hes ever seen. youll have a captive audience and all that fun guy stuff might wear his defenses down. when i was in those difficult asshole teen years, times like that really stand out when reminiscing. i wouldnt trade them for anything.

[66impala]

He is involved in MMA class two times a week, no other sports, He does skate boarding and text message thing right now.

I guess I can handle the boys on my terms, my dad taught us well. Its just my wife is the one who wants to spare the rod, be friends with the kids, and just wants to keep the piece. That aint working out so well either. Of course now me and the wife argue about the kids most of the time now, which is taking its toll on us. Im going to have to find a balance point somewhere.

[psychodad1961]

My son (now 23) went through most of the same phases. By 16 he was dealing dope, shoplifting (had to bail him out of that mess once), staying out all night, etc. Then at about 19, like a miracle, he screwed his head on straight. Got a steady girl (now his wife), a decent job as a manager at an oil change place (he's always worked, just not the best jobs, since he was 15), and MOVED OUT!
Now at 23, he owns his own house, he is a service advisor at a local car dealership, has a beautiful 2 year old daughter and just passed the Motorcycle Safety Course put on by the college nearby. He's got better credit than me and rubs it in my face all the time.
So hang in there. It eventually gets better.

[paralegalpete]

My kid is seventeen, and we have been extremely lucky, the few times he's acted like a teen anger, I've kept my cool and my mouth shut.

Whenever he's done the right thing I've made a big deal of it.

My son isn't interested in motorcyles at all, but we do have hockey in common.

Good on him that he was able to get enough money to buy his own vehicle.

Really what is happening given all the circumstances (undeveloped frontal lobe ) is perfectly normal.

He will eventually find his own way,

[LuxBlue]

Originally Posted by 66impala

Just seeing if someone has been there and done that with having a teenage son.
My middle son is one month shy of 16, all he does is challenge mom and dad on any subject this year. He fights with his brother all the time. Now he is trying to chest bump with dad a little as of yesterday. He saved his money and bought a 95 jeep wrangler that I was with him to pick out and buy, jeep needs some work, but nothing major. I got started working on it while he was in school and was told by my wife that he wants to work on it with me, but he shows no interest while im around to do anything with it.

Other issue is the F#@ing I-Phone my wife bought the kids. It has turned the kids into zombies, but that is just my opinion.

I have my 2004 sportster sitting in the garage, Ive asked him two different times if he would like to go and try riding it. Another no interest.

Any advice on kids would be appreciated.

Hey! When did my son start living with you?
It's a phase, wait 3 or 4 years and if you're lucky he'll man up. My son will be 21 in September and he's just starting to get it.

Now, as far as my 16 year old daughter.............here we go again!

No one said being a parent is easy.

[drd1135]

He sounds pretty normal. Just wait him out and he'll change. A good quote, often attributed to Mark Twain but never verified:

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

[XL Ed]

Q:Why did God make babies so cute?
A:So you don't choke the life out of them as teenagers!

[Baphomet]

I have three step sons and one biological son. Ironically, I did not raise my biological son but I did raise my three step sons.

For those that said to stick with it and wait it out because he will mature up and be alright, I totally agree. While you are waiting it out though, be sure to support the intelligent decisions he makes and voice your opinion logically and calmly with his not so intelligent decisions. One thing that worked well for me with all three of my stepsons was holding my tongue. Many times I wanted to go absolutely ballistic and instead treated each crisis with calm and fair discipline which was laid out clearly and I did not waver from. I told my youngest (he was a teen AFTER the others were grown and moved out) that if he gave me total honesty when confronted that no matter what the issue there would be no punishment nor would I get outwardly angry. Believe it or not that worked because he is absolute the most open and honest of all my boys.

None of my boys have an interest in bikes or riding in general ... except the one I DIDN'T raise. He was raised by his real mom and his step-dad who are both bikers and, well, the whole family on that side are bikers so it sort of makes sense. In fact, me and my bio son will go riding sometimes with his brothers and sisters tagging along.

As for the iPhone, as long as you set clear rules and don't waiver from them that can be controlled. My kids did not have iPhones, but they all had some sort of cellphone that would text and my rule was simple. You have to turn the phone OFF during family functions (dinner, holiday gathering, etc ...) and you can not so much as look at the phone if you are in a conversation with anyone else. The wife and I abide by the same rules because family comes first. Also, if my kids wanted a phone and plan that did anything other than make a phone call they had to pay for it themselves. To be honest, that only worked out with the youngest ... the other two talked me into being flexible about that because it DID make good sense for ME to text THEM when they were in school.

For me the one thing that led to the most success raising my teenage boys was the calm factor. It was hard, damned hard, but staying calm really made an enormous difference. I cannot say with certainty that it made them behave any better, but it DID make our relationship stay solid. The greatest honor a stepfather can receive is to be recognized as a real father by their stepchildren, and mine do consider me a real father.

Hang in there, your son will mature up and you will burst at the seams with pride.

[Terrytori]

Originally Posted by Ireeman

I love you is all I just said thru the tuff times, i have a 10 year old now and i will do the same.

There is no excuse for unacceptable behavior, boys will challenge. Just be firm and fair.

Telling them you love them freaks them out....they don't know what to do with it.

Total retreat and pout in room.

The smell of family dinner will bring them to sense and out of room.

Laugh often, even when confronted with hormonal infested teenagers.

Great wisdom here.
I have 10 year old twins ( boy/girl ).
I made the decision at their birth that the only thing I'd spoil them
with would be love.
That translates into patience and time.
Invite your son to join you in your normal routines
even when you know the answer will be " no ".
Tell him you love him.
Hold the reigns firmly but keep some slack in them.
Ask for his help in areas that are of interest to him.
If you can swing it, plan a road trip with him... In his jeep.
A week on the road with him may prove a hugely special time and will
be a serious deposit n the memory bank for the both of you.

[d_eggman2]

My son is 18 as of March. When he was 16 -17 thats when the lil shit wanted to be an adult and do what he wanted all the time. He threatened to move out lots of times because he could not stay out till midnight during school. I kept telling him when your 18 you can do what ever when ever you want, but we are responsible for you till then. We held firm and in the other posts told him we loved him all the time no matter what he does.
But something clicked when he turned 18 not sure what. He is like a different kid and he don't want to move out so much anymore. We never argue about anything. I guess he realized that it was all up to him now that he is an adult.