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  #1  
Old 1st November 2011
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ali_squidz ali_squidz is offline
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Default Ex was in bad MC accident

Hey yall.
last thursday night my ex was in a really bad motorcycle accident. He was hit by a car and left for dead. I got the call friday am and left work in a sobbing mess. I went to the hospital and hes got a severe head injury. They keep saying brain damage and 2 years of rehab before they know the full extent of his injuries.
Here's the story.
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/johnbyro/
Anyways, he left me in May. Just up and walked away (broke up by text message no less!) after 4.5 years. He left me with everything including the house we had together. My mom calls him the lurch. His family treated me like crap afterwards. Not sure what he told them though.
So I feel totally confused and lost and hurt all over again seeing him like this, and seeing him period. I heard sunday at the hospital he is back to his old ways of partying hard, racking up credit card debt, smoking a pack a day, drinking like a camel, etc.
He has pretty bad ptsd and I had accounted his leaving to that. After all I did to help him, therapy, supporting him through school, getting him a disability rating, etc... and he up and walks out. It really hurt me bad. Now I feel like I am torn between helping him through this, and protecting myself from the continuous hurt.
Unfortunately, I am the one on his health care directive, the only authorized person the VA can speak to, the only one who knows things like what prescriptions he takes, who his academic advisor is at school, etc. I have been dealing with the logistics with the people above. I am hearing from everyone I should just leave him alone like he left me. I showed up and did what I could. Now it's on him.
I just dont know what I should do. Do I visit him again? Would he even care? Does he even want me there? Is it my responsibility or the right thing to do after what he did to me? We have had zero contact since he left aside from meeting to sign paperwork to get him off the titles and mortgage.
What's y'alls opinion on this?
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  #2  
Old 1st November 2011
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ParrotHead ParrotHead is offline
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Default

Ali,
you don't owe him anything and I'd say don't visit or do anything with one exception. Since you are the sole person that the VA will speak with and that has information that no one else has I'd say continue doing these things for him until you can hand over to his family.
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  #3  
Old 1st November 2011
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ali_squidz ali_squidz is offline
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Default

you dont think thats cold? I know I have to protect myself. I spent the last 6 months putting a wall up to protect myself from the hurt he caused. Now I feel like it's all coming back.
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  #4  
Old 1st November 2011
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Default

I can understand the hurt but he's the one who left with no warning and only a text message. Hand his care to his family, visit him occasionally but you can't be responsible for his care.
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  #5  
Old 1st November 2011
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rpoz20 rpoz20 is offline
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+1 on above... You can care without being responsible...
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  #6  
Old 1st November 2011
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I agree with parrothead. I would treat him like a total stranger, which he really is. Take the "high road" , do your best to get him the best care possible untill either he can act on his own behalf or the reponsibilities are given to his family. It will be hard to separate from your emotional attachement from him but I think the best way is to just be a good semaritain and treat him like you would a total stranger. I would visit/communicate with him just enough to let him know you are acting on his behalf concerning the VA. His family should be the ones visiting him for other support.

Take this for what its worth from someone who has no first hand knowledge.

David E.
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  #7  
Old 1st November 2011
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Wow, I really didnt expect a unanimous opinion.
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Old 1st November 2011
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It might be because we are all men and don't have a clue how a woman would handle this.
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  #9  
Old 1st November 2011
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Default

naw my three coworkers are saying the same thing. two are women. they said they expect me to hurt and want to do something otherwise it wouldnt be me. they said i shouldnt though.
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  #10  
Old 1st November 2011
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Unhappy

Find the family member you know he would trust and transfer all responsibility to that individual. Then walk away!
This isn't cold. He chose to leave and sever ties, This was an unforseen situation. We all symapthize with his predicament, but you are no longer responsible for him.
I'd even venture to say, he probably wouldn't have made it this far without you.
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