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Jokes and Funnies Post your jokes and funnie stuff here. Please keep it clean!

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  #1  
Old 15th February 2010
Quebeker's Avatar
Quebeker Quebeker is offline
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Default More jokes from my inbox.

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'

================================================== ========


Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++


One night , an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense...
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'


"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"


Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are even more amazed, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies.
'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

************************************************** ********


Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'
She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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  #2  
Old 15th February 2010
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radeschultz radeschultz is offline
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Default

some funny stuff there!
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  #3  
Old 15th February 2010
Bob99 Bob99 is offline
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LOL! Great stuff, thanks for posting.
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  #4  
Old 15th February 2010
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Rascal Rascal is offline
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Default

Damn good Que, laughter is good medicine...thanks!
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  #5  
Old 15th February 2010
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philidor1958 philidor1958 is offline
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philidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nicephilidor1958 is just really nice
Default

Great post. I had to pass them along.
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  #6  
Old 28th February 2010
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Madmax42 Madmax42 is offline
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Good ones txting to my friends now
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  #7  
Old 28th February 2010
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Erik Erik is offline
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Default

Good ones Luke !
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